


The Heart Choice

by spacegirlstuff



Series: Suptober 2020: Supernatural [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester Has Feelings, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, M/M, No Dialogue, POV Dean Winchester, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, Suptober 2020 (Supernatural), thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegirlstuff/pseuds/spacegirlstuff
Summary: Suptober 2020Prompt 25: Villain~~~Dean’s greatest villain turned out to be something that he couldn’t kill, something he couldn’t trap, something he couldn’t run away from. Because his greatest villain followed him like a shadow, latched onto Dean like a parasite, popping up in places where it was not required, forcing Dean to notice it, respond to it’s needs.Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain turned out to be his very own heart.
Relationships: background Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Suptober 2020: Supernatural [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986451
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	The Heart Choice

Dean had faced many things in his life, from Werewolves and Ghosts to The Devil and God himself. He had survived hell, heaven, purgatory as well as alternate universes and seen things that most normal people could hardly comprehend. But now, after over 30 years of hunting and killing monsters, there was one thing he knew for sure. 

_His greatest villain._

Thinking about it, it should have been fairly simple. Almost everyone who knew him or had even just heard about him would guess his greatest villain to be God or Lucifer or the angels or demons. And Dean really wished that that had been the case.

If it was God, ask Jack to blow up that son-of-a-bitch. 

If it was one of the Archangels, ask Jack to kill them too.

If it was the angels or demons, not to boast, but Dean already had quite a reputation amongst them. 

It would have been really easy that way. 

_But when had life ever been easy for the Winchesters?_

So no, Dean’s greatest villain turned out to be something that he couldn’t kill, something he couldn’t trap, something he couldn’t run away from. Because his greatest villain followed him like a shadow, latched onto Dean like a parasite, popping up in places where it was not required, forcing Dean to notice it, respond to it’s needs.

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain turned out to be his very own heart._

Looking back, it should have been obvious. From his early days in hunting, his heart had always been an issue. 

Being a hunter and having a soft heart was not the best combination, but Dean managed to pull it off somehow. While trying to do the right thing, make the obvious choice, not hesitate, Dean was accustomed to ignoring his heart. But on some days, his heart demanded to be heard.

Those were the days he usually let the monster walk out alive, give them a second chance, allow them to start with a clean slate. His Dad would yell at him when he found out that he had let a monster live, but to date, Dean had never once regretted making the heart choice, even if it came back to bite him in the ass. 

Because no matter how hard he tried, when it came to choosing between the head and the heart, _his heart always won_.

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain was his heart._

Because of his heart, he would feel things way too acutely. It had always been a bit too easy for him to get attached. From his clothes and his guns to the occasional gifts that he got from someone, he would get attached way too easily. But with the life that he lived, getting attached was not an option. And so he learned to let go. He let go of his belongings, of his dreams, of the people whom he cared for. But no matter how many times he sacrificed something, the pain that accompanied it never dimmed, and all Dean could do was blame his _stupid heart_ for it.

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain was his heart._

He remembered each and every case he had ever solved. He remembered the face of each and every person that he had worked with, every person that had helped him, every person that he couldn’t save. He remembered the guilt that weighed him down the first time he had failed at saving an innocent person. He remembered sitting in the backseat of the Impala, trying to figure out where he went wrong, trying to think of a way he could have done things differently. 

His dad had just patted him on the back and handed him a beer, telling him that he would soon get used to it. Sam had stayed with him for a while longer, but as the night had progressed, he too left. 

That was more than 29 years ago, but Dean still remembered her. He still remembered promising _Amelia McNeil_ that she would be safe with him and his dad, that they would protect her. He still remembered the way her life faded away from her eyes. He still remembered the way her body went limp in his arms. Sam had assured him that it was not his fault, that he had done his best, but Dean still blamed himself. 29 years later, he still felt like he failed her, and the guilt never reduced. He still felt the pain, and he blamed his _weak heart_ for it.

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain was his heart._

He was raised as a soldier, trained to fight, trained to follow rules, trained to kill monsters. His brain classified every person he met into two categories: The innocent people and The Monsters. His job was simple. His job was to save innocent people and kill the monsters. His job required skills and the brain. _His job did not require his heart_.

But he was always unable to look the other way whenever he came across a person who had no idea what was happening to them. A confused teenager who had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

It’s in these moments his heart would take over his mind and he would drop his weapon, explain to them what was happening, tell them about the monsters that lurked in plain sight. He would always struggle through his words when he told someone how they were a monster, how they were capable of hurting people, how his job was to kill them. 

He always lost a part of himself with each innocent person whom he had to put down, and he blamed his _foolish heart_ for it. 

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain had always been his heart._

His heart made him flawed, his heart made him imperfect, his heart made him yearn for things he couldn’t have. His heart made him want to pull a certain angel by his blue and kiss him whenever he did something adorable. His heart made him want to stare at a pair of baby blue eyes as long as he could, trying to drown in them. His heart made him linger a bit longer, trying to soak the warm heat each time they touched. _His heart made him human, and he did not like it._

He hated the way his heart always seemed to skip a beat whenever the angel touched him, smiled at him, complimented him. He hated the way his heart felt content when the angel gave up everything for him, chose him over heaven, fell for him. He hated the way his heart was pleased to know how much the angel cared for him. He hated the way he could feel the flicker of hope under his skin, and he blamed his _idiotic heart_ for it.

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain was always going to be his heart because it made him feel things that he should not be feeling._

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain was always going to be his heart because it was one thing that he had no control over._

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain was always going to be his heart because no matter what he did, it always seemed to betray him._

_Dean Winchesters’ greatest villain was always going to be his heart because even after everything, it still belonged to the angel in the dirty trench coat._

**Author's Note:**

> I tried something different for this one and I would love to hear your comments and feedback.  
> Hopefully you will like it!  
> Fingers crossed!!!  
> You can find me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spacegirlstuff)  
> I'll see you all soon!  
> Until then, stay safe!


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